50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada
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Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstanding, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures
The show is called ‘All or Nothing’
Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.
my hand slipped
look at his little hands!
I love how stitch has a habit of grasping at things when hes anxious. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when hes standing in the wreckage of Lilos home, with nothing left to destroy and Jumba comments that he never gave stitch a greater purpose than to destroy. “What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to visit” and Stitch is looking around and clenching and un-clenching his hands.
Its a very nice little habit that they gave him, especially since hes so smart but doesn’t talk much. It gives him a sort of human anchor, something that ties him to us and gives us something to recognize and read.
I ripped off the giraffe’s head. Relish has been decapitated. I am sad now. But I believe it is a symbol of a relationship that probably should never have existed. I just need to rip off the bandaid. I learned so many things from this relationship. So many different ways to hurt, to bruise, to bleed. I don’t see a way back to happy. After James, I will simply go back to existing. But living with him has brought me so much pain that it might be worth the trade. Today is our three and a half year anniversary. I spent it over a toilet, crying so hard I stuttered when I tried to talk to him, and vomiting so hard I pissed myself. All because of his lies and inability to keep his word. Now I’m lying in bed, shivering. No rage to keep me warm. Just… Nothing. Emptiness. I know my life will be completely hollow without him. I just have to decide if fulfillment is worth all of this pain.
I feel bloated and drunk. This sucks. I am so fucking tired.
Some days I just cannot stand being the only fucking adult in the relationship.